I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
