I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
