I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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