Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
