You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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