Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need moral support for this bender
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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