you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
