My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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