Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
