I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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