Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
too bad you live with your parents still
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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