you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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