is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
