she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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