I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
