I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
