yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
