I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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