An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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