I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize