before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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