And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
