fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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