So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
