god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
