I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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