You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
