i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
