oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
