I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
