I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
