u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
