If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
