so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
