I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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