I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
