Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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