the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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