i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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