what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
