he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
