More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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