Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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