He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Less talking, more tequila
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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