What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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