I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
