i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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