Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
