I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
