I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
