You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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