We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
