Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
